the weight and wonder of one word: 2015

January 12, 2015, Michaela Evanow, 12 Comments

As I sit here with my piping hot tea, reheated numerous times before I could take the first sip, I think about my word for this year. We are in a new home. The last of the cardboard is outside, flattened and damp from the west coast rains. Everything is in it’s place.

My word seems to fit for my right now. We are well and healthy. We have a fresh start. New places to discover and traffic patterns to memorize. We are surrounded by more trees, with less bike bells. More mist and gray, but bigger yards and streets and, well, everything.

All is calm and good. For now.

My word for 2015 is mend.

But I know a thing or two about these one word challenges. The word holds weight. And I know a thing or two about this disease. It’s so unpredictable. 

article-0-1605FA44000005DC-448_634x469Last year my word was brave.

And I did not feel brave all year. Maybe a handful of days in early January. But after that, it was the hardest year of my life. I can’t tell you how many times I mumbled prayers and tasted tears and rocked myself and my blooming belly in the dark of the bedroom.

Brave? It sure didn’t feel that way. On December 2nd we received the news that Theodore Brave did not have Spinal Muscular Atrophy. I haven’t cried much since. It feels good to give my body and soul a rest from fear and sadness.

So, while I was driving the other day, my word came to me. I felt my heart beat a little faster.

Mend. This year, set aside time to mend. Mend others. Be mended. But mostly, let yourself be mended in your brokenness.

We don’t know what this year holds for Florence. To be frank, every year (1, 2) gets a little harder. She gets weaker, we face growing mountains. We notice more regression in her strength. I can’t explain how hard it is to watch your child lose so much. But I do taste and see and sense grace, like never before.

There is grace to mend this year. It doesn’t mean there won’t be heartache and struggle.

It does mean that God has called me to mend in the middle of my brokenness. And the best part? I can’t mend myself, but God can knit be back together. I can love myself, and let my heart be tenderized by hope and joy. I can take time for myself, and buy that fat, hardcover book to read in the bath. But it’s not enough. In order to really mend, I need to pour myself out into others. I need to continue to function healthily in chaos and struggle. 

And if I look around me, if I pause in the mundane and the racing heart moments, I will find His thimbled fingers working and combing through each tendril of my life.

What’s your one word for 2015? I’d love to hear! If you haven’t heard of the one word concept, read this.

12 Comments

  • Reply Cindy August 18, 2015 at 9:48 PM

    Michaela, I feel very connected to you through your Instagram account. You are so great with words, and have helped me in dealing with the death of my baby, and just every day life. (Mommacindysue) I am so thankful for you and your willingness to teach us so much by sharing so much of yourself.
    My one word for this year is STRIVE. I try a lot, in my everyday walk as well as longterm goals. I don’t strive. I try, when I think of it. I try, if I know I haven’t given it a a fair shake.. I Realize that I haven’t cared as much about, well, a lot of things…I retired from teaching school after 30 years, 8 years ago. Little by little, I am losing the desire to care about accountability. This has proven to be a problem with friends and family, obviously. I’m still careful about money, safety, caring for my grand kids, but little things that aren’t as important to me, are slipping by the wayside. They are slipping in to an ‘i don’t care’ category. The word could be timely (I’m late a lot, lately!), care, accountable, sincere, rational, plan…these and other words. , I feel that I must strive to improve ( improvement is a good word !) in all of these areas. I know I sound like this is not a big deal to me, but in trying to come up with this ONE word, I realize l do need to work on so much! You are very wise, Micheala Evanvow. We have a lot of self evaluation to go through before we can think of this one, very comprehensive, word. I appreciate this exercise in self awareness and self improvement. You are so wise beyond your years.

  • Reply Kari February 22, 2015 at 1:27 PM

    My word for 2015 is “light”. It has two meanings for me: 1) seeking to more and more be a light to the world around me, and 2) letting go of the things that don’t belong in my life, so that my spirit and mind will feel more light no longer being weighed down by them.

  • Reply Diana Trautwein January 12, 2015 at 11:26 PM

    Oh – my words is ‘stretch.’

    • Reply Michaela Evanow January 13, 2015 at 2:31 PM

      Well, that’s a big word. Looking forward to hearing some stories that word will surely bring!

  • Reply Diana Trautwein January 12, 2015 at 11:26 PM

    What a beautiful word! Praying with you that this is, indeed, a year filled with mending of all kinds. It’s time.

  • Reply arlene holland January 12, 2015 at 3:42 PM

    Love this post, it has made me think. Lord, what word do you have for me this year? Thank you dear one. May the LORD bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you and give you peace, rest and shelter from the storms. GOD loves your family.

  • Reply Alisha January 12, 2015 at 1:52 PM

    Mend… wow, that’s a hard one.
    My word for 2015 is shalom. Meaning not only peace but to be made whole and complete, lacking nothing, safety and security and tranquility.
    Wishing you and your beautiful little family all the best in 2015

    • Reply Michaela Evanow January 13, 2015 at 2:31 PM

      Beautiful word. Hoping it is indeed a shalom year for you.

  • Reply Sarah C January 12, 2015 at 12:22 PM

    My word for 2015 is “dayenu.” It can be found in the Jewish passover seder words. It means “it would have been sufficient.” It’s part of the reading, reminding the people that it would been enough if God had only saved them Egypt, but had not provided manna from heaven. It’s my reminder to myself to be thankful, that God has done more than enough for me.

    • Reply Michaela Evanow January 13, 2015 at 3:50 PM

      Thanks for sharing, Sarah.

  • Reply Tina January 12, 2015 at 9:44 AM

    O, BOY! “Mend” is a doozy.

    But I believe in you.

    You have enough heart-strength to do this, my beautiful friend.

    If *anyone* can do this it’s you!

    Love you,
    Teen

    • Reply Michaela Evanow January 12, 2015 at 12:14 PM

      Whew.
      Thank you, friend, for believing in me! I love you!
      PS: your word?

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