this is motherhood {too}: a mama’s journey of adoption and creating a family.

November 19, 2013, Michaela Evanow, 2 Comments

November is National Adoption Month!

Logo_04_21_2014_102726AM

I became a mother to an 18 month old beautiful girl on my 30th birthday. Six months later I was a mother again, giving birth to a stunning baby boy. I was as prepared as one could be.

Four years earlier I felt that I was ready to start a family. My husband quickly assured me he wasn’t. Andy told me that I should get praying because he didn’t feel any desire for kids any time soon. Sure, I could pray. I knew he’d come around.

But when I started praying for him, something strange started to happen inside me. Every time I closed those eyes my spirit started instructing me, breeding in me a new vision. Children of different nationalities danced before me and my heart got full on the dream of them. How would dear Andy respond to THAT kind of child? Someone who wasn’t born from us? If he could respond with joy at this proposal I felt it would be the miracle I needed to confirm the dreaming.

When I told Andy my thoughts, my words were met with such enthusiasm it surprised both of us. We agreed! We would start the process of whatever this was.

We had many powerful and beautiful affirmations of this choice in the next few months. Strangers and friends with dreams and visions of our family propelled us forward. At the same time we dropped birth control. Well, we wanted to start a family, let’s get all the channels flowing!

I didn’t become pregnant. Not once for three and a half years.

I had many days of grief and wonder over why I wasn’t pregnant. During this time I had a number of friends come to me with dreams,

Jolie I see you pregnant in a hot beautiful place,”  or “Jolie I had a dream you were pregnant and sitting a long table,” and lastly given with much humility, “Jolie I had a dream I was at a birth and you were having the baby!  I believe God is going to give you a child!”

No one knew the years and months were passing and it seemed these dreams were not going to be our truth. Maybe this is why God had led us to adoption?

If you don’t know the story of Hannah, Samuel’s mom in the Bible, its a sweet and powerful account of a common heartache. A women who doesn’t conceive pours out her heart to her God. The Bible describes that ‘God saw her’ and heard her prayers. She eventually does give birth to a son. I felt camaraderie with Hannah as I prayed for a pregnancy. I felt many times that God spoke to me as well, that He would give me a baby and it would be a boy.

That was a secret in my heart for a long time because it felt so…so…bold, proud, greedy and hopeful.

Here I was anticipating the adoption of a beautiful daughter and at the same time there was a seed of confidence that a baby would come too. Wonderful. It felt too wonderful.

Meanwhile my Doctor was getting a bit nervous for me; I was approaching 30 and no pregnancies. She wanted to know what was going on in me. A bit reluctantly, Andy and I went for diagnostic tests. On one such occasion we were making our way to get some tests results together.

Andy woke up that morning to the tune of “Amazing Grace”. We hummed it as we prepared for our meeting. After some disappointing news from the Doctor, we sat on a bench in a secluded hallway of the hospital and held hands. It was quiet until we heard a whistle coming from an unseen source…

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost but now I’m found.

Was blind but now I see.

It was too wonderful. The whistle washed over us, we found our confused thoughts embraced by God’s presence.

We left conception of a biological baby into God’s care. We pressed on into the adoption process feeling ourselves “pregnant” with anticipation for a child. Time passed.

We discovered we would be flying to Thailand to meet our daughter and days later we discovered we were 6 weeks pregnant. Life was about to change drastically!

Can I skip ahead to today? We now have 4 children. Two are adopted and two are the “bio” babies, homegrown if you will. Being a mom to an adopted child has been a wonderful and difficult pleasure so far. Wait! That should read, being a mom to a child has been a wonderful and difficult pleasure so far.

I made a decision shortly after having both my exotic toddler and my fair, fat baby that comparison of how I parented the two wasn’t going to be helpful.  “Maybe I don’t love her enough because….maybe I’m easy on her because…maybe I cuddle him longer because….maybe I gave him more cookies because…”

Two friends told me this in the same words, “Jolie, those thoughts are from the pit. Don’t give that darkness room to grow.”

So, I don’t.

But I will tell you as an aside for the readers who follow Jesus, and anyone else who cares to read this part:  The Scriptures that instruct believers to care for orphans and the strong mandate of Jesus to look out for the poor were just a bonus to my inner drive telling me this was the right thing for us. I knew instinctively that feelings of goodwill would not last through vomit, lice, years of expense or hurtful words, “I hate you!  I want my real mom!”

Building a family on charity would be a mistake and truly unloving.

Family is made through heartache, death, miracles, supernatural leading, science, amazing healings, accidents, risk taking and many dreams.  Motherhood is forged through a million different roads. Each Mama, each child, each Daddy, each family is wonderful. Really. Family for the sake of family. No matter how we get there. Wonderful!

adoption story

Written by Jolie Lambkin.

This is from the collective writing project: this is motherhood {too}. Do you have a story you’d like to submit?

2 Comments

  • Reply Katie November 19, 2013 at 11:53 PM

    I thought I recognized that story, Jolie!

  • Reply Cathy Vanderkooy November 19, 2013 at 8:20 PM

    Thanks for sharing Jolie. It’s good to revisit God’s miracles as it spurs us on to love and good works.

  • Leave a Reply