like pioneers on a journey.

January 13, 2013, Michaela Evanow, 6 Comments

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what makes a good day.

When you have some massive struggles to overcome everyday, with health or finances or relationships, it’s easy to be swayed by the negative, by the size of the mountain, or feel defeated the moment you drop into the valley.

We had a valley week, although I did find myself enjoying life much more than I normally would have compared to last month. I have learned so much these past few months.

Florence got a cold but no fever and nothing really came out of it. I was watching her closely for signs of breathing difficulties, or clearing her cough. We did have some scary moments, where she sounded so congested in her throat, and she couldn’t clear it. But thankfully it was just in her throat, not her chest. She has had some congestion now for a few weeks, and coughs every so often during the day, but I believe she’s on the mend.

I have come down with yet another cold. I feel defeated in that. I normally fight off sickness so well, but I’m guessing the night wakings have something to do with it. Florence has just begun cutting her teeth…no teeth yet, but they are bulging. In any case, I feel like I just recovered from the nasty virus that knocked me off my feet for two weeks and then lingered for a month.

She was weighed this week, and unfortunately lost a pound. This may not seem like much, but considering she hasn’t yet doubled her birth weight, a pound that took a month and a half to gain is a pretty big deal for me. I let it go, and resolved to work on feeding her more. Since she hasn’t started eating dairy or grains yet, this may be a challenge. I feed her chicken at least once a day, sometimes beef, but mostly she eats fruits and veggies. I am very thankful she is still breastfeeding heartily, because some meals she only gets a few bites in before she calls it quits.

I see pictures of her at 6 months, baby fat all rolled up on her thighs, tucked under her chin, and I mourn the loss of it. Although I’m sure it’s normal, I remember taking comfort in those precious bits of fat. They brought comfort, they showed she was healthy and robust. She is still healthy, she glows and she’s a good eater, but she is leaning out. I know it happens, and I know that Jay and I are on the thinner side…but considering I weighed 23 pounds at her age, well, it can get me down some days. I suppose I always expected to have a deliciously fat baby. I expected a lot of things that haven’t come true yet. But it doesn’t mean that they won’t. I will never give up on her. I will never give up on the hope placed in my heart.

If I do, I will be crushed by the heaviness, swept out to sea in the bitterness of my mourning tears.

I am happy to report that although we hit some rough patches this week, we are not overcome.

I’m learning to see the good, the joy, the beauty in every day. I’m learning to rejoice in all things. I’m learning that although God is not controlling my life like a puppet master, and causing these bumps in the road to happen, He is capable of commanding these mountains to turn into the sea and be levelled. He is capable of turning the dust into blossoms, the pain into victory.

Bill Johnson says in a clip from favourite sermon of mine, called Abiding Faith:

“Even the worst thing, God is prepared to reverse it’s effect so that tragedy becomes triumph. Nothing can come at me that God doesn’t have a present day solution for. Not everything that comes at me is God’s will, because he has to rework it. One of the biggest areas of confusion is concerning the sovereignty of God. We know He is all powerful and in charge of everything. But we make the mistake of thinking he is in control of everything. If you think He is control of everything you have to believe Hitler was his will. Why would God raise something up to be his will that he calls us to pray against?

He comes at our invitation because he has released the dominion to us. That’s why prayer is so essential.”

And so we pray, we pray continually and pray through the tears and the fears and forge ahead into the wilderness, pioneers on a journey. We keep pressing forward, although we’ve never been here before. We plant our seeds and sow them too, eat the goodness from the land and learn new skills needed for this untamed wilderness.
And we remembered we are never alone, where milk and honey abound.

pioneer

We never give up, and ask that you never give up praying for Florence either. Maybe the day that I feel like the mountains are closing in, and I’m being swallowed up whole will be the day you feel called to pray for us, and cover us, and release life into our home and hearts. Thank you. We need you.

6 Comments

  • Reply The Laundry Lady January 14, 2013 at 7:51 AM

    I know that what I have to deal with is minor compared to what you are dealing with, but in small way I do understand where you are coming from. My little peanut of a son is on a nursing strike and losing weight, again. Between breast pumps (with problems), dreaded formula supplements, teething and my difficult preschooler there are days I think I won’t last another hour. You all are in my prayers.

    • Reply Michaela. January 14, 2013 at 8:35 AM

      Bethany, I’ve caught up in your blogs, and know the struggles you are having must be difficult. Have you discovered any reason for your sons eating issues? Praying for you all.

      • Reply The Laundry Lady January 14, 2013 at 8:55 AM

        The doctor thinks it is related to my breast milk supply, which unfortunately is the standard response from most medical professionals when it comes to breastfeeding. I think it is related to teething, high metabolism (my husband eats a ton of food and has always been super skinny, as is our daughter), and loving solid foods. I have been making a stronger effort to make sure his solid food meals are balanced and making sure he nurses are gets a bottle a minimum number of times a day. He’s currently not nursing more than once a day so he gets bottles of pumped breast milk or formula four times a day. He also seems to have a dairy allergy so we are already trying to compensate for the lack of dairy in his diet. But it is hard to get things like spinach and kale into a babies diet.
        Have you tried Flo on eggs yet? We started making my son little egg salads with olive oil. Even just the yoke mashed up is great. You can also try blending it into a smoothie. Robin won’t use a sippy cup so I blend him green smoothies super thick and feed them with a spoon. Avocado, banana, boiled egg, kale, coconut milk; I know it sounds gross but he seems to like it. Something like that might help Florence but some weight on. We put extra virgin olive oil in almost all of my son’s food to add calories.

        • Reply Michaela. January 14, 2013 at 7:45 PM

          Yes that does sound like the standard response…I’m sorry. Florence hates avocados so I try to hide them. I give her coconut oil and chicken fat (from broth I make). Your smoothie sounds good too! I’ve just started her on smoothie snacks.

  • Reply Lizzy Appenheimer January 13, 2013 at 11:00 PM

    Michaela, this was really encouraging to me. I’m walking through something very different, and it’s not been going on for long, but it’s hard to not feel defeated sometimes. Thank you for sharing your journey. It’s beautiful.

    • Reply Michaela. January 14, 2013 at 8:32 AM

      I’m so thankful it’s encouraging for you, Lizzy. Thanks for sharing.

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