worth the weight: pregnancy is not for the faint of heart.

April 17, 2012, Michaela Evanow, 11 Comments

I have mentioned in a previous post, about how tiny I used to be before pregnancy. It’s no secret that some women get huge while pregnant, depending on the size of their baby, genes, and fluid levels. Who knows what will happen to your body when you put two different people together (in my case, two very different people). The only thing we kind of share is our body ‘type’: lean and long. I’m not tall at 5’6, but I have long arms and legs, fingers and toes. And of course, if you’ve seen Jay, he is long and tall and fiercely handsome (and 6’6).

And so, couple together our baby weights (J: 9.2lbs, M: 9.9lbs) and genes, and it was no surprise that Florence came out weighing 9.3lbs. However, it was a surprise how much my body compensated. Now, I’m not getting all weird and self conscious here, but this girl’s got to stare at her post pregnancy body every day in bewilderment and shock, and sometimes with tears (only on a bad day, but those are decreasing). While you’re pregnant, you somehow embrace every little stretch and fold, because it’s a miracle. Your body is a beautiful vessel. Who the heck cares what happens to it, as long as baby comes out fine and dandy.

Well, I care.

My size 4 frame expanded and stretched to a size 12 (at least that’s what the Chinese seamstresses tell me, but maybe they’re wrong) And thanks to these double D’s or E’s as the Motherhood Maternity saleslady happily informed me (I gasped in horror), I can bust out of any and every piece of clothing I own. Now that is wild and weird. Size doesn’t matter, but it kind of does when you’re in a wedding in a few months as the maid of honor (and all that’s on my mind is how are my boobs going to fit into my dress and I pray I don’t leak through it). Truth be told, they don’t fit and I’m working on a master plan (involving a tailor). And I found some awesome disposable breast pads that work (Lansinoh). Sorry environment, you just don’t produce leak proof reusable pads. Unless someone knows something I don’t!

So let’s be clear. My body is beautiful. It grew and birthed a baby 6 weeks ago. But it’s foreign to me, and somewhat scary. That’s okay. But somedays it feels like it isn’t, and I just want my body back. These boobs aren’t going anywhere, that I understand. Now I know why big boobs can be such a burden. Everything looks big on you! Everyone…stares. My back hurts. I feel huge! And so on and so forth. Also, there is a lot of stored breast milk fat (well that’s what I like to call it) hanging out on my tummy and thighs and elsewhere that freaks me out. I’m not sure what the timeline is for getting your body back, but I fear I never will. My bones have stretched for goodness sakes. I have hips! I have stretch marks (whoever said they were genetic is a ruddy liar, because my mum never had them). Although my husband embraces it, I have yet to hold it tight and call it mine. I’m just being honest. I don’t need pity, but a “Yes, I feel the same way!” might do me good. I know not every woman gets humungous. I always felt a little green when I’d see these gorgeous petite women carrying a nice bowling ball out front, with no excess fat anywhere else. Wasn’t that supposed to be me? I guess not.

In the end, the whole experiences was worth it, and Lord help me, wonderful. I swore I’d never think that, but once you go through it, once you give birth, and when you’re staring at your little baby child everyday, you know you will do it again one day.

Here’s my humble journey from 6 weeks to delivery. I love you Florence. You are worth the weight! (no pun intended, but that’s a good one).

11 Comments

  • Reply Bev. Nash (Grandma) April 25, 2012 at 11:25 AM

    Oh Micky, you got me crying again! Your journal is such an inspiration because of your realness. I have great ways for you to lose weight quickly and safely, in a short period of time with the Ideal Protein Way. You’ll love it, and be amazed how easy, with relatively just walking every day, and not a hard exercise routine. I am so proud of you! All of what you will go through with children, takes you deeper into Jesus Heart. It is an amazing process! Love you, Mom

  • Reply Going Coverless April 19, 2012 at 12:48 PM

    Aww, I LOVE you video, just beautiful.

  • Reply Lisa S. April 18, 2012 at 8:33 PM

    I gained 40 – 50 lbs with each pregnancy, and had large, healthy babies! I shed my pregnancy weight within a year or so with all (except Faith – but that’s because I was over forty and my metabolism was slowing down.) I know the weight came off the quickest with Shannon – I was your about your age. I’m a fan of extended breast feeding, as your body burns 500 calories a day just producing milk!

    • Reply Michaela. April 19, 2012 at 5:32 PM

      So true!
      I gained over 70lbs…ha. But its slowly melting off!

  • Reply Telsey April 17, 2012 at 6:51 PM

    I hear ya!! It takes time to get comfortable with the body you have after pregnancy- unless you are one of those women who bounce back quickly! I wasn’t one of those either. Thankfully, we have some great husbands who embrace every bit of us! In my case that includes a lot of stretch marks too & some hanging stomach skin to go with. 🙂 But you’re right- it’s sooo worth the weight!!

    • Reply Michaela. April 18, 2012 at 11:14 AM

      It does take time, doesn’t it! I sure didn’t think much about what my postpartum body might look like. I think everyone hopes to bounce back, but no one knows how it will all unfold. And with every baby it’s different (or so I hear!)

  • Reply The Laundry Lady April 17, 2012 at 2:17 PM

    You will feel like yourself again. Trust me. Some of your body will come back and other parts you will adjust to as the new you. My breasts were huge when I was nursing my daughter. I am a B cup normally. I was a large D when breastfeeding. I felt so conspicuous and I couldn’t wear button down shirts at all until she weaned. Give yourself some time. I hate how my stomach looked/looks postpartum. But it does get better. I saw my belly in the mirror today and forgot how icky it can look in those first weeks, but it does get better. Skin recovers some of its elasticity, the stretch marks fade until they are much less visible (if noticeable at all) and the belly will flatten out again, especially with Pilates and Yoga. You will lose the weight, but your shape will change some. Even though I was eventually lighter than I was before I conceived my daughter, I still have some clothes that never fit right again. My body had changed and I had to let my clothes change a little bit too. It is frustrating, it will get better but it is worth it. I just went through this all for the second time and it’s been different this time. My boobs aren’t nearly as big and I almost never leak milk this time. (Speaking of leaking, try wool and hemp breast pads. I don’t know how they’ll look under your clothes, as everyone is different, but I use hemp at night and avoid leaking and I’ve read that wool are amazing and practically leak proof, while expensive.)

    • Reply Michaela. April 17, 2012 at 5:32 PM

      Thank you! I have heard that Wool pads are really good for and actually help prevent mastitis. I will look into those as well as hemp. I’m glad to hear that the body does bounce back.

  • Reply Miriam April 17, 2012 at 2:12 PM

    You must have loved seeing my ridiculously round body at your meet n greet then! I should have taken my pants off and shown you my thighs… Oh my! Instant with both full pregnancies and even with my miscarriage pregnancy…. no skinny jeans and nice flowy shirts for this girl. Although 25% of women don’t shed their pregnancy weight while breastfeeding, I did. It didn’t start right away, but when it did, it was amazing! I am hopeful for you 🙂
    btw, I am ALL about reusable, but resuable nursing pads are a nightmare. Chelsea had the smarts to buy me disposable and it is THE way to go! I think there is a less chance of mastitits, no smell, they absorb WAY better and you can wear them under shirts without looking like you are smuggling coasters. My two cents. Lansinoh or the other brand are really identical – whatever is on sale!
    Stretch marks fade on most people – having less weight makes them seem non-existent. You’ll get there 🙂

    • Reply Michaela. April 17, 2012 at 5:30 PM

      Always look forward to hearing what you have to say Miriam 🙂 reusable breast pads are a nightmare. I don’t know how many times I found myself with big wet spots in public, not noticing until later that I had drenched my top. How embarrassing. Disposables are the way to go. They are much cheaper in the States especially at target!

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