the peaceful valley, just over the mountain: 38 weeks pregnant.
I’m really beginning to understand that this whole journey is coming to an end someday soon. I never thought I’d feel it ‘pregnant forever’, but it turns out I actually believed it.
The journey feels so unbelievable long, from the first few weeks of emotion and excitement, and sharing the news, to the weeks and weeks (long months) of growth and development that occur, both in mama’s body and with the baby.
It’s really hard not to get so excited and overwhelmed at the first sign of pregnancy. A baby is coming! Yeah, in 10 years. Seriously, this process can drag. I’ve heard the second time around things seem to move a little faster, due to the fact that you have another child to care for, and you’ve experienced it all before. First time mothers, myself included, seem to think it will whiz by, and every step in baby’s growth is monumental. Which it is. And those milestones keep us going, keep us feeling fresh and alive, like a yeasty lump of dough rising under the cloth. I feel like I’m stuck in the kneading stage, and have been for the past 5 months. This hurts! Well, what did I expect. My bones were small to begin with, and they are growing and expanding and feel like they’re breaking apart right below me. I have never experienced such mind blowing pain.
The last 2 weeks+ of pregnancy seem to drag on the longest. It is an extremely exciting time, so that helps pass the time, but let me tell you, I’m envisioning myself giving birth everyday. I’m talking to her and patting her little bum, “Come on girl! Come down!”
I was reading Birthing From Within, an excellent book to read in the last few weeks of pregnancy. It’s the only book I read from front to back during pregnancy. The author talks about connecting with your baby in the womb before she is born. Encouraging her to get into the right position, to come down easily, to be settled in the perfect place in the pelvis, to come out without “hurting” mama. She explains the importance of building a relationship with your baby before birthing, so that you’re not alone in your labor. Your mind and body will relax as you understand that your little one is in the process with you. How would she like to be born? How would you like to be born? You are, after all, cut from the same cloth. A baby has been given a unique personality, composed of the mother and father’s genetic makeup, and graced with other handmade qualities from the Lord. She is not against you! I’ve really taken that to heart, since the first day all the retching began. She has not caused these flu like symptoms, it’s my body’s reaction to her.
And so, these last few weeks, or days, are being serenaded by Christ’s love for me and for my child, and the sweet, warm voice of Patty Griffin. I’ve listened to this song over and over from the hardest, driest parts of the pregnancy to the peaceful, calm that comes when I feel good, when I feel alive. I’ve walked the neighbourhood, lay in bed, sat on the bus with tears rolling down my cheeks, letting this song wash over me.
Then I hear your sweet voice (child, Jesus, husband), come and then go, telling me softly, you love me so. The peaceful valley, just over the mountain, the peaceful valley, few come to know…