I don’t even know where to begin. The thought of you growing inside me? Unfathomable. Creating life? Giving birth? Carrying you snug in my belly, against my spine, my heart, my hips. It seems so unbelievable. Which is why I write to you. Even before you existed, I knew you. It’s like you were just waiting to develop in the dark, warm room, the shell of me. Women are amazing creatures. We give birth. I think the reason so many women get passionate about giving birth freely is because they feel powerful. God gave us this wonderful equipment, made for nothing else but childbearing, and these fantastic responses to contractions, and if we just let our bodies go, we can do it. Sometimes though, modern medicine gets in the way, or even you, sweet baby, get in the way, and things malfunction. Sometimes its painful, both physically and emotionally. Sometimes our equipment just doesn’t work. But that’s not the norm. If it becomes the norm, society’s view of childbirth is tainted by fear.
I admit, I sometimes get fearful about the ‘what ifs’. But I’m the type to think about the ‘what if’s’ while flying on a plane, too. And, I admit that’s not healthy.
So, I have come to the conclusion that I have to swallow any residual fear (you see, I’ve worked through most of it, thanks to Ina May Gaskin!) and aim for having a healthy birth. Baby, to me, having a healthy birth means making sure you’re okay…but also that I’m ok too. I am not out to play hero or martyr, like some people want to think. It’s heard all too often that natural childbirth supporters are out to get a badge of honour. No way. They care so much about babes like you. They’re just more than happy to let their body take over, and if absolutely necessary (or in other words, there is a malfunction), a doctor can step in. It’s kind of like having a cold. Everyone wants to get rid of their cold. Some people drink lots and lots of water, gargle oil of oregano, swish colloidal silver… Some people take cold drugs at the first sign of a scratchy throat.
I don’t claim to have the answers. In fact, I have none.
I just know I want you, and I want you coming into this world free. When you’re being formed, you’ll be all tucked away in my safety net, and I’ll try my hardest to give you the purest, richest nutrients. In fact, I already am. I’m drinking decaf (with a few caffeinated beans thrown in, because it’s so hard…), soda water over wine, swallowing oily sardine and krill oil in the morning, dousing my oats in the morning with golden flax oil. I’m reading all about calcium and iron and folate, and how to absorb them from natural sources. Turns out collard greens have the highest amount of calcium in them! They’re good greens for you, and for me. All this planning is fun. You’re my dream baby. You’re my dream, baby…