the home birth of Rory

    May 16, 2017, Michaela Evanow, 5 Comments

    May 1st 2017. I started the day with good energy and decided to get out of the house with my son. It was another rainy, Vancouver day. I felt a tiny bit apprehensive and felt like maybe staying close to home was a better idea. But I ignored that sensation, feeling

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  • the Mother’s Day ache

    April 24, 2017, Michaela Evanow, 5 Comments

    Mother’s Day to me means deep, agonizing pain. It doesn’t mean flowers and hollandaise brunches. Not yet, anyway. I’m just not sure how Mother’s Day will evolve over the years, because it’s tightly bound to loss. Nearly two years ago, on the day before Mother’s Day, I watched as my three

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  • 20 songs for the grieving heart

    April 12, 2017, Michaela Evanow, 0 Comments

    Music has carried me through the most intense and agonizing moments of my life. Sometimes all I wanted was silence in the early days of grief, but as time passed, I leaned into the melodies that brought back memories with my daughter, and new sounds that spoke to my tender

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  • letting weakness shine

    October 19, 2016, Michaela Evanow, 0 Comments

    I never wanted to be strong. But from the age of 16, when my spine was fused together with titanium, and my typical teenage problems disappeared into the bleeping of ICU monitors, I was told to be strong. I had to get out of bed the next day and learn

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  • the ministry of meal making

    August 11, 2016, Michaela Evanow, 4 Comments

    When I think back on our lives with Florence, often in and out of hospital and appointments, I remember being fed. I remember food. Another cup of coffee, an oat bar in a paper bag sitting at her feet on the starchy hospital blanket. I remember the first meal brought

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  • beauty from ashes: flowers for Florence

    June 3, 2016, Michaela Evanow, 5 Comments

    My cousin, The Samurai Carpenter, is a talented woodworker and carpenter. We asked him to make an urn for our Florence’s precious ashes. I really wanted marigolds and a butterfly on the urn somehow, but I couldn’t even begin to imagine what the final result would be. He is truly

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